


delirium

by tyrotheterrible



Category: Thor (2011)
Genre: After the Fall, Gen, In Which Loki Is Not Well, M/M, Mad Ravings, Nightmares, One-Shot, Post-Movie, Self-Loathing, Slashy If You Squint a Bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-04
Updated: 2012-04-04
Packaged: 2017-11-03 01:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/375368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrotheterrible/pseuds/tyrotheterrible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki's subconscious is an ugly place to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	delirium

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago for my independent [post-movie!Loki RP blog](http://askthemostcunning.tumblr.com) (currently on hiatus, unfortunately, because of dumb things happening offline which have left me hard-up for inspiration). I'm pretty pleased with it, and I think it stands on its own well enough for me to post it here.
> 
> The original post is [here](http://askthemostcunning.tumblr.com/post/17704536510/delirium).

_cold_

_intellectual cold felt tight and pinched on skin but no discomfort what **is**  cold what does it **mean** frozen trapped in ice numbness in flesh and prickling in lungs like breathing needles_

_where is the blood there should be blood_

_blood on lips taste of rust and raw meat_

_blinding multicolored radiance too bright too bright run_

_"I hate you I hate you I hate you I want you to **die** "_

_mine but not from my throat from behind full of knifeblades screaming bone shards howling glass-splinter blizzard run run keep running_

_"give up you disgust me I hate you I hate you give up and **die**  sink to Niflheim's depths then you will know what cold means"_

_too bright too dark too bright lightning flash_

_"come back come back to me let me keep you"_

_too dark too bright let go let go lightning flash searing starblue **stop staring at me**  _

_"I hate you **die**  fall back to the void and **die**  be torn apart by the stars I hate you you disgust me spawn of lies worthless filth _ _monster changeling falseson neverbrother_ _I hate you I hate you"_

_let go let me go run run **run**_

_"let me keep you"_

_no let me go let go let me run let me fall so afraid_

_make me stop screaming sew my lips shut so I will stop screaming let go let go make it stop let go let me fall_

_brother please_

\----------

He awakes to the sound of his own ragged voice, pitched up in a shriek of terror like icy wind through broken shingles.  Chest heaving, heart pounding, limbs shivering.

Sits up and flicks the light on, trying to catch his breath.  The shadows are dark and sharp-edged on the walls.  If he touched one it might cut him open.  An odd idea, one he can't seem to shake.

The floor is cold ( _what **is**  cold what does it **mean**_ ) beneath his feet--he cannot sit, cannot remain where he is, restlessness claims him, he must ( _run_ ) move.  Sheets flung carelessly aside, standing and staggering forward as though jerked by some unseen force.

Bathroom.  Water.  Yes.

The splash against his face seems to pull his mind closer to where it should be.  But the fear is still there, still clawing and tearing and he _hates_  it, freezing-searing, hates it more than any other thing in all the Realms—

He sees it snarling behind his eyes, flashing venomous teeth, wants it _dead_ —

With a scream of rage, he drives his fist into the mirror, shattering himself to pieces.


End file.
